It just occurred to me what’s been bothering me this whole time being on St. Kitts. The island is a form of colonization even still in 2013. It is subtle and subconscious to the naked eye but with a piercing awareness, it will become more clear. The more I hear of the struggles of the local Kittitians and the ways that the government abuses its own people that it is allegedly elected to protect, the more sickened I feel towards the government and the more sad I feel for the people. And in less than a week, I feel as I’ve become one of them. And how poignant when the other day, D asked me to “marry to him and become a Kittitian forever,” that it is now what I feel. I can’t tell you why or how I’ve come to care so much for this land and its people because I myself don’t even know, but I know that in this moment of awareness, my heart is with the people. I’ve never cared about land before or was even aware that it is the source of many conflicts. I never gained this much care for my native land, Vietnam, but here on St. Kitts, my heart has awakened and I feel that I will do anything for these people. Dare I say, for my people?
I believe there is a big purpose that I am here. I naively thought it was because I required healing from my brain injury and my relationship with J. It is in fact because I am here to heal the hearts of the people and awaken the hearts of the government. That is my purpose. And with preparing to launch Spiritual Sisters, my vision for a better humanity, the perfect universal timing of it all floors me. Everything has been perfectly aligned. And most importantly, I needed to experience all of this without J or anyone else here with me. I need this time to get to know the people, the land; feel their heartbeats; eat their food; walk on their beaches; smoke their grass; and sharing many magical moments with them uninterrupted. This special time with them alone is pure bliss.
And I have fallen in love.
I have awakened to the most unique and tranquil love I’ve ever experienced.
How the land speaks to my heart! And how connected I feel with the oceans. This coastline is a treasure that’s been fought over since the days of Christopher Columbus and in 2013, it’s still being fought over even though St. Kitts gained its independence from Great Britain in the 90s. I suppose I can see why because the beaches are absolutely stunning, but is it not then contradictory to say that coming face to face with such paradise propels us to passionate, animalistic lust so much so that we will enslave another people by whatever evil means possible?
For me, when I am engulfed in God’s glory like having this gorgeous ocean view as basically my backyard for nearly three months, my heart is overflowing with so much love for all people, excitement to be alive and immense gratitude for Our Heavenly Father. I want to tear off my clothes and run wild and free, totally uninhibited and in love with this paradise on earth that He created for us.
Could this be what Heaven is like??? If it means an intense and burning love inside for all beings, then yes. If it means that the heart simply could not be any happier, then yes! If it means that the heart is so happy that I could cry big tears of gratitude, then yes. If it means that the splendor before my eyes is so gratifying that it makes me fall down to my knees and bow my head down in worship of Him, then a most humble “yes”.
A wave of peace always overcomes me when I’m at the beach, feeling connected to the source of life on earth. Somehow being at the beach, or an island for that matter, feels so tranquil and alive to me. I’m reminded that life is good and that everything is OK. And I sleep better and have more energy!
The last thing on my mind would be doing harm to any being!
Yet since the beginning of time, man has been killing each other for land and natural resources. You’ve got to be out of your mind if being in God’s paradise makes you want to destroy what He created for us on earth! You’ve got to be out of your mind if you want to rage war on a people for THEIR land and natural resources! And you’ve got to be out of your mind if you disrespect one of His most precious creations, His children, you know, your BROTHERS AND SISTERS for whom you show no mercy.
What is it about man that propels him to possess another man? Is he still man or has he morphed into an alien of creature of some sort or something? Is it not man that brags about his intelligence and his ability to care for others yet what is intelligent or caring about possessing our brothers and sisters? Our mothers and fathers? Our husbands and wives? Or perhaps man himself is already possessed by another force from another dimension in a land far, far away? That would be the only logical explanation I can muster up to make sense of the despicable insanity of our world today.
Where is the childhood paradise I grew up in? I miss it! It wasn’t even that long ago when I was still a kid yet the world that wants to consume me today is not the world I recognize anymore nor does it feel like paradise anymore. PLEASE STOP DESTROYING OUR PARADISE, I BEG YOU. We do not want anymore shopping malls, fast food restaurants, luxury condos or high rises, crazy expensive hotels that none of us can afford anyway (!!!), parking decks or football stadiums!!!!
There is a universal demographic of concerned global citizens who just aren’t into ANY of that crazy stuff you guys mold for us to emulate blindly. Those things are so boring and unoriginal! Give us some credit for our human intelligence we were ALL born with!!! And for heaven’s sakes, I beg you to keep Mama Earth as she is, untouched and protected. Seriously, this is what the world wants. You know it yet you ignore it, and THAT is evil.
OK, so I feel as if I’m floating cautiously between the borderline of insanity and intelligence with these rather radical thoughts of mine. What would the world think if I were to share my deepest thoughts??? But seriously, these are the kinds of thoughts that cross my mind, especially when I’m traveling, and the philosopher in me craves for dialogues with like minds. There’s only so much self talk and conversations with God I can have before I feel as if my heart will explode if I don’t have a dialogue with another human being about the “why’s” of the world!!!